The Unspoken Journey of Matrescence: How Motherhood Transformed Me
When I became a mother, I expected a lot of changes - sleepless nights, overwhelming love for my child, and the challenge of balancing my new role with my identity. But what I didn’t expect was the profound transformation that came with matrescence - the process of becoming a mother, both physically, emotionally, and mentally. It’s a journey that goes far beyond the simple notion of having a child.
What is Matrescence?
Matrescence is the process a woman goes through as she transitions into motherhood, much like adolescence is the transition into adulthood. It involves hormonal, physical, emotional, and psychological changes that are often underestimated, not just by society, but sometimes by mothers themselves. It’s not just about learning to care for a child; it’s about a transformation in identity, relationships, and even how you see the world.
My Journey: The Overwhelming Shift
When my son was born, I was completely unprepared for the changes. I had attended NCT classes, hoping they would equip me with all the tools and knowledge I needed, but I quickly found myself feeling lost. I wasn’t dealing with depression, but the challenge of motherhood hit me hard in ways I hadn’t anticipated. Suddenly, I had this tiny human relying on me for everything, and despite all the advice I had read and the classes I attended, I felt overwhelmed and completely unsure of what to do.
It wasn’t just the physical demands of sleepless nights and feeding schedules - it was an emotional and mental challenge. I was transforming in ways that nobody had prepared me for. I became fiercely protective of my son, instinctively creating a tight bubble around us. The mistrust I developed for anyone outside of this bubble, even family and friends, added to the stress I was already feeling. I couldn’t shake the feeling that nobody could care for him like I could, and that constant vigilance added to my emotional burden.
The Impact of Protectiveness and Mistrust
While being protective is a natural part of motherhood, I found myself crossing a line into mistrust, which only heightened my stress. I was convinced that nobody outside my little bubble could look after my son the way I could, and it left me feeling constantly ‘on duty’. I struggled to ask for help, and when I did, I was too anxious to fully let go. This mindset wasn’t just exhausting; it was isolating. I hadn’t realised how much I would need others around me—not to raise my child, but to support me emotionally.
This mistrust and hyper-vigilance added to the mental and emotional load I was carrying. It made me feel as though I had to be everything for my child, and the stress of trying to do it all, perfectly, was crushing at times. Looking back, I now realize that part of this was just the nature of matrescence—the process of reconfiguring my identity as both an individual and a mother.
Why Matrescence is Different from Postpartum Depression
It’s important to note that what I was experiencing wasn’t postpartum depression. It wasn’t the deep sadness or hopelessness that many associate with postnatal depression. Instead, it was the intense shift that comes with becoming a mother - something that is often overlooked and under-discussed. The physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion of matrescence is very real, but it doesn’t always fit into the neat categories of depression or anxiety.
Motherhood wasn’t just a life event - it was a seismic shift in my identity. I was learning how to care for my son, but also learning how to redefine myself in this new role. The struggle wasn’t in loving him - that came naturally - but in figuring out how to navigate the massive changes motherhood brought to my life and my sense of self.
What I Wish I Knew
I wish I had known that feeling overwhelmed, protective, and a bit lost was normal - that this transition, this matrescence, is something every mother experiences in one way or another. I wasn’t alone in feeling unprepared or unsure, and if I had understood more about this process, I might have been kinder to myself. The NCT classes, while helpful, didn’t touch on the emotional and identity shifts that would come.
Looking back, I realise how much pressure I placed on myself to get everything ‘right’. But now I see that there is no right way to navigate matrescence - it’s a deeply personal journey that is full of learning, unlearning, and evolving.
The Importance of Support and Compassion
Matrescence taught me that motherhood isn’t about perfection. It’s about growth, connection, and understanding. It’s about giving yourself the space to feel overwhelmed and still show up. For any mother reading this, I want you to know that it’s okay to feel the weight of this transformation. It’s okay to feel protective, overwhelmed, or unsure.
At Hear. You., I created a space that I wish I’d had during my own journey through matrescence. A space where you can speak openly about the challenges of motherhood, be truly heard, and receive the compassionate, non-judgmental support you need. Whether you’re feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just need someone to talk to, we’re here to listen. You don’t have to navigate this transition alone - sometimes, all it takes is a conversation to feel understood and empowered.
If you're ready to share your story, connect with us today. Together, we can navigate the emotional shifts of motherhood and help you find clarity and strength in this new chapter of life.